So today is the 13th, and I've spent the past several days being 23! January 7th is ~*my special day*~ and it was really such an incredible weekend. Matt and I went to Jacksonville, Florida and had an incredible time adventuring around together (ahem, we may or may not have eaten at P.F. Chang's, Maggiano's, + The Cheesecake Factory all in the same day... #guiltybutnotsorry). I learned a lot that weekend, about what it means to feel love for someone unconditionally and to feel that in return, about myself in general, etc. etc. etc. I'm still thinking about everything I realized, actually.
So, I did NOT want to share this at first, but I thought about it more, and figured that I really ought to. My birthday didn't start out well, despite how great the rest of the time was -- which was SO great, that my phone died halfway through and I didn't even bother to charge it again until we returned home!! It started out with struggling with feelings of depression and crying and absolutely loathing the way I look and not feeling attractive "enough," (in media and society today, you have to be thin but not too thin and you have to have a huge butt and nobody cares about having boobs anymore really, and that's like total whiplash from when I was growing up the past several years when the pressure was to be as skinny as possible but have some boobs, and the pressure is just EVERYWHERE with things like Instagram and it's just so unhealthy) and I couldn't get out of my bed until the afternoon because of how awful I felt emotionally. Matt stayed by my side the entire time, holding my hand and drying my tears. That kind of dedication you find from a partner is pretty rare, and if someone sticks around during your struggle, they're truly special. Just like any real couple, we have had our ups and downs the past few months, but we always try our best and are always willing to put our pride aside (aka admitting when we are wrong, apologizing, etc.) which is something that I tend to see many other couples struggle with, and to be great partners to each other.
In general, with Matt, I'm really thankful for not only the romantic times, like ~*eating stuff whilst cuddling* LOL, but also the friendship that he shares with me. If you are single, I recommend looking for a romantic partner who will also be your best friend and confidant. He helped turn the weekend from one where I was feeling depressed to one where I became excited about life all over again and began to look forward to the multitude of adventures just waiting out there to be had!
|omg veggies!!! so00o vegan XD ahahh!|
Being 23, on the whole, feels different, which is unique because usually birthdays never really have any immediate effect on me. Buuuut being 23, I feel a lot more motivated to accomplish anything I want to make a goal. I've learned that you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to, you just have to swap one priority for another. For example, I have decided to go vegan AGAIN!! Except I will never stop taking Fish Oil supplements, because the ways in which they have helped my health is honestly life-changing...so I'll clarify to say that in my daily diet other than those supplements, #vegan yayyyy!! So the swap that I am making here in my priorities is choosing this commitment to animals, over what might just taste good in the moment. I have done my research on how to get that protein in if you can't have soy, and also fun fact, cauliflower can be a really great substitute for meat or tofu, which is a new discovery on my end! Also, for the longest time I'd been plagued by anxiety and didn't want to travel too far or go on huge trips, but now I'm ready to see more of the world around me, as a lot of that anxiety has vanished. I've made a travel bucket list, updated my 101 in 1001 Days list on TPL (check it out!! :D), written in a separate "My Bucket List book" where you write in 100 things and then they give you a page to write about how it went checking something off the list!!, and started a couple's bucket list with Matt. There are so many things I want to try and experience and do, and I'm looking forward to completing them all!!
On another note, grad school classes started up again, and I decided to drop the Fashion Writing class (which had all undergrad students in it and everyone else had taken history of fashion so they were all like "yes yes in Karl Lagerfeld's 2011 runway show in this or that country he showed this dress in his new collection which looked like this and the models he used had this style of makeup in that show that year and -" and had a wide range of knowledge because the only majors in the class were fashion design or fashion marketing and I was just sitting there like lol, I'm older than all of you + I like to write things!!!!!ya!!!!!!) and instead switch into the Techniques of Fiction class with the professor I also had last quarter for the Nonfiction I class. I 100% made the correct decision to switch.
However, I also learned that last quarter, my classes were quite tiny and emotionally intimate, whereas this quarter the classes are much larger. I think it was definitely easy for all of us to take last quarter for granted, and looking back, I wish I had known that class sizes would increase as time went on. I also have met more of the student body, and I understand now why people tend to stereotype my school as being full of "stuck-up, cutthroat, narcissistic snobs"....LOL. Not that I entirely agree that it applies to everyone, because it really doesn't, BUT being honest here, I have definitely met quite a few people who indeed fit that stereotype. I still love the school though, and the people I know best from the school (aka those from last quarter) are awesome. I'm glad I'm only taking one class while studying for the ACE certified personal trainer exam, too, because taking a second class would be very stressful - and, this is something that I'll write about in another post, but I've been working on taking better care of myself and attempting to keep stress levels down!
Something else that I've been working on is to be more introverted, quieter. I listen more and speak less. I try to think about how I feel something in the moment, rather than have to spend a lot of time later on processing how I felt. I write more, both in my journal and in a book of creative writing prompts that Matt and I do together. I "get cozy" just being inside myself and it's very relaxing -- the pressure has been taken off to be the dominant one in every given social interaction, and of course while I'm not like mute or anything omg!!!!!, I let others have the floor more often. I know what I think, and when I want to make my voice heard, I do. But silence doesn't have to be awkward and a smile sometimes says just as much as a "hello!" to a new friend, for example!! :D
~*SiDe NoTe*~ lawlz: Also, I definitely have to do another post in my Currently Trending series soon because there are just so many things I want to share with y'allz! Get pumped for that heading your way soon!
Hope you're all doing well in the new year!