Pink Paw Print

Saturday, March 18, 2017

So long!

It's been so long!!!

I will be honest here... I felt like I was writing this blog for other people, rather than expressing myself for the sake of enjoying a creative outlet (aka the reason why I first started blogging in the first place). It's so easy to get caught up in promotion, in page views, in "likes" name it. So I decided, that's it. No more. I'm done with blogging. But then I thought... wait. Blogging doesn't have to be some huge money making thing that everyone makes it out to be. I can just share my thoughts. I don't need to have amazing, professionally photoshopped pictures. I don't even need anyone to read this other than myself (!!!) even though of course it still absolutely means the world to me that you're reading this right now. Like, omg I'm truly so honored that you care, haha! *hugs all arounddd* If you ever look to external validation for the things that you do, ultimately, your level of passion for the act will decline steadily, making you wonder why you even continue. So I'm looking inward, towards my inner validation now, and this is good enough for me! <3

ALSOOO vlogging/YouTube has become huge and I'm planning on making vlogs to put on here, but I'm still apprehensive about using YouTube. I mean, why open yourself up to negative commentary like that? I'd LOVE to have a makeup/beauty channel. But I don't want to deal with negative comments about my looks, or my voice, or any of the other things that I've seen people comment negatively on for others. I've wanted to do makeup product reviews for so long, but I'm afraid of the backlash for it! Eeeek! I know that you can totally just ignore comments and such, so maybe I'll just go for it. Like, at the same time, I feel like makeup videos are more fun to make than just posting about it because you can see it in action, so to say! We'll see! As always, add me on Snapchat: buhhrook to see little mini vlog-style videos + pics! :D

In terms of personal growth, WOWWW! I've grown SO much. I've changed SO much. I've learned SO much. Stay tuned. More coming your way soon.


Friday, January 13, 2017

Being 23 - (Honest) Birthday Recap, Being More Introverted, Going Vegan AGAIN!?!, Switching Up Grad School Plans, + More!

So today is the 13th, and I've spent the past several days being 23! January 7th is ~*my special day*~ and it was really such an incredible weekend. Matt and I went to Jacksonville, Florida and had an incredible time adventuring around together (ahem, we may or may not have eaten at P.F. Chang's, Maggiano's, + The Cheesecake Factory all in the same day... #guiltybutnotsorry). I learned a lot that weekend, about what it means to feel love for someone unconditionally and to feel that in return, about myself in general, etc. etc. etc. I'm still thinking about everything I realized, actually.

So, I did NOT want to share this at first, but I thought about it more, and figured that I really ought to. My birthday didn't start out well, despite how great the rest of the time was -- which was SO great, that my phone died halfway through and I didn't even bother to charge it again until we returned home!! It started out with struggling with feelings of depression and crying and absolutely loathing the way I look and not feeling attractive "enough," (in media and society today, you have to be thin but not too thin and you have to have a huge butt and nobody cares about having boobs anymore really, and that's like total whiplash from when I was growing up the past several years when the pressure was to be as skinny as possible but have some boobs, and the pressure is just EVERYWHERE with things like Instagram and it's just so unhealthy) and I couldn't get out of my bed until the afternoon because of how awful I felt emotionally. Matt stayed by my side the entire time, holding my hand and drying my tears. That kind of dedication you find from a partner is pretty rare, and if someone sticks around during your struggle, they're truly special. Just like any real couple, we have had our ups and downs the past few months, but we always try our best and are always willing to put our pride aside (aka admitting when we are wrong, apologizing, etc.) which is something that I tend to see many other couples struggle with, and to be great partners to each other.

In general, with Matt, I'm really thankful for not only the romantic times, like ~*eating stuff whilst cuddling* LOL, but also the friendship that he shares with me. If you are single, I recommend looking for a romantic partner who will also be your best friend and confidant. He helped turn the weekend from one where I was feeling depressed to one where I became excited about life all over again and began to look forward to the multitude of adventures just waiting out there to be had!

omg veggies!!! so00o vegan XD ahahh!

Being 23, on the whole, feels different, which is unique because usually birthdays never really have any immediate effect on me. Buuuut being 23, I feel a lot more motivated to accomplish anything I want to make a goal. I've learned that you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to, you just have to swap one priority for another. For example, I have decided to go vegan AGAIN!! Except I will never stop taking Fish Oil supplements, because the ways in which they have helped my health is honestly I'll clarify to say that in my daily diet other than those supplements, #vegan yayyyy!! So the swap that I am making here in my priorities is choosing this commitment to animals, over what might just taste good in the moment. I have done my research on how to get that protein in if you can't have soy, and also fun fact, cauliflower can be a really great substitute for meat or tofu, which is a new discovery on my end! Also, for the longest time I'd been plagued by anxiety and didn't want to travel too far or go on huge trips, but now I'm ready to see more of the world around me, as a lot of that anxiety has vanished. I've made a travel bucket list, updated my 101 in 1001 Days list on TPL (check it out!! :D), written in a separate "My Bucket List book" where you write in 100 things and then they give you a page to write about how it went checking something off the list!!, and started a couple's bucket list with Matt. There are so many things I want to try and experience and do, and I'm looking forward to completing them all!!

On another note, grad school classes started up again, and I decided to drop the Fashion Writing class (which had all undergrad students in it and everyone else had taken history of fashion so they were all like "yes yes in Karl Lagerfeld's 2011 runway show in this or that country he showed this dress in his new collection which looked like this and the models he used had this style of makeup in that show that year and -" and had a wide range of knowledge because the only majors in the class were fashion design or fashion marketing and I was just sitting there like lol, I'm older than all of you + I like to write things!!!!!ya!!!!!!) and instead switch into the Techniques of Fiction class with the professor I also had last quarter for the Nonfiction I class. I 100% made the correct decision to switch.

However, I also learned that last quarter, my classes were quite tiny and emotionally intimate, whereas this quarter the classes are much larger. I think it was definitely easy for all of us to take last quarter for granted, and looking back, I wish I had known that class sizes would increase as time went on. I also have met more of the student body, and I understand now why people tend to stereotype my school as being full of "stuck-up, cutthroat, narcissistic snobs"....LOL. Not that I entirely agree that it applies to everyone, because it really doesn't, BUT being honest here, I have definitely met quite a few people who indeed fit that stereotype. I still love the school though, and the people I know best from the school (aka those from last quarter) are awesome. I'm glad I'm only taking one class while studying for the ACE certified personal trainer exam, too, because taking a second class would be very stressful - and, this is something that I'll write about in another post, but I've been working on taking better care of myself and attempting to keep stress levels down!

Something else that I've been working on is to be more introverted, quieter. I listen more and speak less. I try to think about how I feel something in the moment, rather than have to spend a lot of time later on processing how I felt. I write more, both in my journal and in a book of creative writing prompts that Matt and I do together. I "get cozy" just being inside myself and it's very relaxing -- the pressure has been taken off to be the dominant one in every given social interaction, and of course while I'm not like mute or anything omg!!!!!, I let others have the floor more often. I know what I think, and when I want to make my voice heard, I do. But silence doesn't have to be awkward and a smile sometimes says just as much as a "hello!" to a new friend, for example!! :D

~*SiDe NoTe*~ lawlz: Also, I definitely have to do another post in my Currently Trending series soon because there are just so many things I want to share with y'allz! Get pumped for that heading your way soon!

Hope you're all doing well in the new year!
xoxo, Brooke

Monday, January 2, 2017

How To Live a Courageous Life + Beat Self-Doubt

Lately, I realized that I haven't been living a full life. Now this might be a shock to many of you because of my bubbly, outgoing nature when interacting with others (because I love people lolol), BUT deep, deep down, there is a part of me that is not that bubbly person, although I never "release" that part to the world. By that I mean, I have been choosing to live my life out of fear, anger, heartbreak, sadness, regret, insecurity, self-doubt, comparison... I was never brave enough to admit these truths to myself, but I am at the point where my 23rd birthday is coming up soon, on January 7th and I have been reflecting upon what is almost the first entire quarter of my life (that is, if I live until 100, which most people do not!!) I have spent a great deal of my life feeling absolutely nervous or basically depressed, and this is going to end. Not because of magic. Not because of any sort of thing like luck. This is going to end, merely because I say so. I choose, now, to live a life of bravery, of courage. Of saying no to things I truly want to say no to. Of saying yes to things I truly want to say yes to. I am ready to follow through with commitments and intentions. I am ready to try to determine my thoughts and feelings about a given situation or event before I jump into it wholeheartedly, only to find myself disappointed later or in a bad scenario in which I need to get myself out of for my mental/physical/etc. well-being's sake. I am ready to stop letting the fear of being not liked hold me back from trying to make new friends, or from trying experiences that I previously did not have the self-confidence to go after. Many people, on the surface, would never guess that self-esteem and self-confidence is something that I struggle with, but being bullied in school growing up and being treated poorly in previous romantic relationships, among other not-so-great situations -- well, that sort of thing can stay with you for a long, long time if you choose to let it. What I hadn't realized is that deciding how to live your life is a choice you can make, personally. You are not doomed to some awful fate of a future merely because your past was some awful fate. How do you move on from a traumatizing, hideous past? You say okay. You watch other people, who did not have hideous pasts, or even people who did, and you watch how they carry themselves, how they carry on despite everything and everyone. You emulate their movements, the way they laugh without skepticism, the way they embrace opportunities with a healthy sense of removal. If something doesn't work out, it has no reflection upon them as a failure versus a success. You learn from those who write about their experiences in books, magazines, newspapers, blogs or who show you them in photographs, discuss them in vlogs or other video formats. You take a deep breath and realize that honestly, you might think you will never achieve the life you want to live because you feel, deep down, that you are not that girl, you are not that person, the one whom you so desperately want to become. are your past? You are defined by many things that were either mistakes or out of your control? Certainly not. Throw that idea to the wind. Free yourself. Liberate yourself. Go make a list of 21 things you want to do in the next two weeks, and go out and do them. Prove everyone wrong. But most importantly, prove yourself wrong.

Go show me what you've got. <3
xoxo, Brooke