Monday, February 1, 2016
New Semester, New Me?
Last semester was incredible. Although there were certainly some intense struggles and challenges, on the whole, I was so grateful for everything that I had learned and for all of the strength that I had acquired. This semester, though, there are a lot of changes that I'm going to be making. It definitely wasn't fun getting broken up with the day before classes started, but I've cried enough and had enough panic attacks by now to the point where I've realized that I can't go on living in that way. Changes need to be made. I don't deserve to be depressed, and I don't deserve to feel so anxious that I can't really breathe very well or constantly feel sick to my stomach. I deserve happiness. We all do. This semester is my last at college, and although part of me wants to try to even begin wrapping my head around that fact, I'm not even going to attempt that just quite yet! :p I've applied to graduate school, and I can't wait to hear back! My fingers are crossed! *jumps up and down excitedly* I'm trying this new thing where I stay present in every given moment. If I'm brushing my teeth, for example, I don't let my mind wander at all. I focus on my teeth, and the taste of the toothpaste, and making sure that I don't accidentally walk out of the bathroom with dribble on my face.... #oops !! Last semester, I had the fun I had always dreamed of having in college (nothing wild, but just plain fun with friends), but this semester, although I definitely do want to have fun, I want to change my focus in the slightest bit. That focus is self-improvement for the rest of the few months we have left of school, in major aspects of my life, as follows!
to be not totally out of breath when getting to my class on the fourth floor of a building to have inner health, even more so than a good-looking exterior. Your body is your temple, so they say, and it is such a precious thing. I want to show my body that I respect it. Although I dropped my yoga class this semester because last semester I was incredibly sleep deprived, and with all that is going on for my super busy senior spring semester, I need more sleep (the class is a 9AM lolz)... I still practice yoga in my dorm room almost every single day on my own time. When I feel like I need a good stretch, I simply roll out my mat and go into zen-mode. Ooooh, yeahhhh. :p! Also, it kills me sometimes, because I knew if I wasn't always so anxious or worrying or upset about something, I could really accomplish some pretty great things (which I still do accomplish a lot of great things, but I know I could do even more!). So, I'm going to fight the anxious feelings by merely changing my focus to go find positive, happy, interesting, thought-provoking things to engage in! I am definitely the "artist" type, even if I sometimes tend to dress on the preppier side, and everything I feel, I feel deeply. I feel emotions stronger than most people, it's safe to say, and I've been told I can be pretty intense. Not that this is a bad thing, but keeping things in check and pulling back into happier emotions is definitely a new practice of mine that I'm gonna hang around and put onto my tool belt, so to speak.