Something that tends to happen is when my feelings get hurt by somebody I care about deeply, my emotions run high. The more emotionally invested I am, the more OHMYGODITFEELSLIKETHEWORLDISENDING,SOLETMEJUSTCRYMYFEELINGSOUTOFMYEYEBALLS~~ I tend to be. This being said, that can throw somebody (ahem…like a special somebody *swoons casually*) off if they think intense emotions automatically = so done with the friendship/relationship/what-have-you. (Pssst…if you've been following along with me on Snapchat @buhhrook -add me so we can learn about the most important aspects of each others' lives, like my Outfit Of The Day or where I'm out at lunch or what Pinterest project you're
After noticing some tension recently, we had a huge talk. It turned out that when I would try to start a dialogue about something troubling that was on my mind, he thought it was an attempt to end things between us! Which was definitely not the case, at all.
|HAHAHA. I'm like half asleep in this, apparently, but oh well!!!! We couldn't find the camera for this gem. :F .|
The truth is that when you really care about your relationship - romantic or otherwise - with a person, you both deserve it to yourselves and to your relationship to talk about what's going on beneath the surface level. Trying to ignore feelings of tension by being in the beloved la-la-land of denial will ultimately just make things worse in the end. Being brave and discussing this with each other has only brought us even closer! <3
|*SWOONS*. *FAINTS*. *DIES*. This was taken at Junior's Restaurant at Foxwoods!|
So… how does somebody fight the "right way", you ask!? Listen up, friends! *hands you a pen + some paper for note-taking purposes*
1 // Take ownership of your feelings. When you use phrases such as "I feel", "I thought", "What I meant was", etc., your tone comes off far less offensive/attacking than using phrases such as "You never", "You always", "You're so". Serious relationship-saver right here.
2 // When it comes to making an apology…make an apology. Lose that ego! Apologize always when you make your friend/special friend/family member sad or angry. Even if you can't see what you "did wrong", I would hope you would at least have remorse that your actions, even if you had only good intentions (and this is a biggie), caused them emotional pain!
3 // If you ever get the "flight" feeling from a fight or flight response that arguing commonly causes, remember how sad you would be without this person in your life! Even if you're feeling so upset that you just want to walk away from the situation, consider the consequences. You never know if this fight could be the last one you'll ever have - not because everything will be just happy for the rest of ever, but I mean because there is a very real possibility that this could be a fight that would result in never talking again. It's always okay to pause if things get too heated and say, "Wait, I care about you so much and this hurts me so much that we are so upset right now. Let's think of a solution about how we can fix this because I don't want to lose you in my life." By reassuring the person how much you care about them, it can calm them down tremendously, particularly if they feel that you are arguing because you no longer care.
4 // Be careful not to invalidate their feelings in an attempt to validate your own. Telling somebody "no, you're wrong" isn't going to make you any more correct in what you say, you know?? Oftentimes, many arguments are about matters of opinion: it helps to remember that -neither party's- mere opinion is a true fact.
What are your best tips for arguing the right way!? Let me know in the comments below - let's share our knowledge!