Pink Paw Print

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Little Secrets

The title of this post is actually the name of one of my absolute favorite songs! It's by Passion Pit and it's uber-catchy. Lalalala~~! Actually, I keep listening to a song on repeat that sounds pretty similar: "Ways to Go" by Grouplove ….. oh my GOSH, best song ever!!!
Please remind me, I'll deffs have to write a post featuring my favorite indie music playlist soon.

Okay you guys, a lot happened today. This is about to get personal.
I really did mature. Often times, you mature so gradually you don't even feel it happening, but today… well today, I really felt it happening. This afternoon, I was just so angry about everything that has happened recently. Getting dumped by somebody I loved. Having to work on a 25-page paper over break. Having a reading quiz on my least favorite book in the entire universe that has a major element in it that reminds me of my ex-relationship on the very day we get back to classes from break. I was so….. frustrated about all of this. This was a new feeling because usually when these sorts of things happen, I feel all weak and broken and sad - I never usually fight back against the sadness with anger. I'm a pacifist, really. But there was something else, something more, that was bothering me here.

Something I noticed in my relationships/friendships, in general, is that I tend to give a lot, so I therefore expect a lot in return. I tend to hold people to really high standards, and I honestly expect a lot from them - maybe sometimes too much so, okay, I will admit it. But sometimes, people just don't have much to give, whether this is intentional on their part or not. People can be actively selfish, or they may be going through things in their own lives that prohibit them from reciprocating their time and energy back to you, no matter how much you give to them. The important thing, though, is that I don't give in the first place just to get back. I give because I care. I give because I want to show people how much they mean to me, and that that I genuinely appreciate them. In my relationships, romantic or otherwise, I hardly ever feel appreciated back and then I start getting frustrated. So, I came to the conclusion that before I give my full heart and energy to my friendships and romances, I need to make sure that the person actually is deserving of so much care - that they won't keep taking and taking and taking without giving anything back in return.

-Originally there was a bit more to this post right here but it has been edited, as a friend requested her privacy be maintained-

I tend to do this thing where I literally feel like I'm drowning in self-doubt and anxiety. This stems from back in the good ol' days of my freshman year of college when I gained the courage to leave a seriously abusive relationship, and the guy told me that I will die alone, that I will never ever get married, and that nobody could ever love a person like me. This has stayed with me, haunted me in my darkest days. Although, granted, he had a few different types of psychological disorders and he professed his love to me day in and day out (yes, marriage was something he talked about constantly and he named our future kids), it scared me how the first person I ever shared my whole soul and heart with could say that. He knew literally everything about me - he probably knew me better than I knew myself at that point. I know he was projecting - he was worried about these things himself now that I was leaving him, but I don't think I ever truly healed from that. There's just such an urgency now… what if what he said was right? I think sometimes before I fall asleep at night. Then I calm down and my friends or parents tell me how lovable I am and that I would never "die alone". But still… scary stuff, you know??

*via
The truth is… everybody has their little secrets. When we walk down a city street or an isle in a supermarket, all we see is the exterior shell of the human being before us. We don't see their hearts, souls, or the deepest contents of their mind. We don't see the things that make them ache or the things or the people that set them free, that make them levitate with pure bliss. Everybody has their issues. That's why I think it's important to be kind and giving to everyone. I wholeheartedly agree with the quote above.

Do you ever think about how everyone has their own "little secrets"? Can you relate at all to any of this?
xoxo, Brooke

4 comments:

  1. First - I am sorry about your breakup. But through experience I have learned it's true, if you love them let them go. If they love you back, they will come back. They were really yours else God let them go from your life because someone else better is about to come. Believe it- because it really is true. And I know what you mean when you give, you expect the same back. But you're right, not everyone can do what you can. Always give more than take, never expect anything in return or anything at all and always do your best. It also is the key to your happiness. Because when they do do something for you, it makes it more special to you & a fun surprise! Sorry to throw so many quotes at you! But I've learned there is so much truth in all this. I agree with your post, always be kind to everyone, you don't know people's story... there are so many untold secrets, always give, always smile when you see a frown you never know it will cheer someone up! :) Love the post Brooke. <3

    with love,
    Amna
    A Fashion & Lifestyle Blogger
    www.theamnaali.com

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    1. Thank you so much for your meaningful comment and thoughtful, kind words! I definitely agree that when something good exits from your life, it means that something better is in store for you!! I love all of those quotes you've shared, and I am so so glad you enjoyed my post! :) <3

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  2. I totally agree with you girl. EVERYONE has struggles, heartache, sickness, some horrible circumstance in their life. And no, you never know the whole story by looking at someone or even being their friend. Plus, what we perceive as difficult in our own lives, may not be perceived the same way to someone else. Everything is so relative. So if we all act with kindness and compassion, as much as we can, we could all life a bit happier and help each other.
    XOXOXOXOXO

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    1. Definitely!! You're so right, everything truly is so relative, and even when you're friends with someone, they might not have opened up about everything that has been going on, whether due to embarrassment or denial. <3

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