Pink Paw Print

Sunday, December 21, 2014

The Sweet Escape

Something I realized today is that I currently am in desperate need of an escape from the present… some people flock to alcohol, to casual sex, to drugs, to binge eating, to watching too much Netflix, to overexercising - all really unhealthy outlets. People constantly tell you to "live in the present", but what if the present is a bit less-than-satisfactory, at the moment?

I'm excited for my future, and I've realized I need to stop living in the past (something I've noticed that many people I love and care about still do, as well). But too much thinking about the future, the planning, the worrying - it all causes anxiety. I'm only 20, but everyone seems to be talking about big topics like having kids, where you're going to set roots/live, what kind of a job do you want and what lifestyle will that job provide, etc.

Quite honestly, though, the thought of popping out little sweethearts that will be my children is terrifying for me to think about!!! Like, oh my GOD -  the pain! The nausea! The nine horrid months of looking like a beach ball yet nobody dares to ask you "when are you due!?" lest they accidentally come off as being rude! Naturally, having children is the ultimate proclamation of love, but at the same time it's a hard thing: will having kids make the love you have with your husband weaker? Kids can cause major arguments whether if one parent is way too strict and one is way too laid back, or economic concerns, or what-have-you. To me, kids seem like a potential threat to love and marriage.

But at the same time, if you're with the right person, I think having kids can make love and marriage far stronger. Your love was so strong that it created new people! That's incredible! You learn to love and trust each other in new ways, far deeper than you could have ever imagined. I know I've got several more years, or even a decade, before I need to be thinking about any of this, but for some reason lately, everyone has been talking about this stuff and it makes me just want to wear my little slipper booties and cuddle in bed with a stuffed animal of my own.

~But I digress~ Back to the idea of healthier escapes! I've thought of a few healthy escapes of my own:

I'm most definitely a crier. Crying releases pain-relief hormones, so it makes biological sense that it's one of the best ways to heal. However, my parents who aren't exactly the most "sensitive artist" type go ballistic when I cry. They just don't get it because they never cry (which I don't get, but that's alright, I guess…). This is what made me realize today just how desperately I need an escape. Rather than keep driving them up the wall with my sensitivity, and then getting mad at them for being insensitive about my sensitivity (I'm an INFJ personality type, what can I say!?) putting my feelings into a notebook where they will not be judged is a safer way for me to express my emotions. I can write whatever I want without anyone criticizing me for it - ahhh, such paradise.

2.Creative Writing
A bit different, creative writing enables me to create fantastical, fictive worlds where I get to pick what happens. I can write stories where I'm a princess of a foreign land, stories where the underdog triumphs over the evil yet popular antagonist, stories where justice is achieved, stories where people you love will never leave you. There is much to be said for creative writing. I get into this trap where the only creative writing I do winds up getting published in a literary journal, or is for a class. But sometimes I want to write happy stories with fairytale endings, just for myself to read, and that's okay, too! :p

3.Reading (all of the books!!!)
Reading books, magazines, articles - anything that is uplifting and positive. There are so many disturbing books (and ahem, short stories I had to read for my creative writing class last semester -__-), but there are so many incredible ones that make you grow and are still haunting, but in that good way, rather than in that oh-geez-let-me-go-throw-up-now-after-reading-that-stuff way! By reading happy stories, I can remind myself about all the joy there is out there to appreciate and feel all warm and fuzzy inside about it.

4.Making Art
I rarely make art anymore because of #collegelife. *sigh*. I absolutely love drawing, but I wasn't raised in a household where the arts were encouraged (creative writing is the bizarre exception, I swear!). Emphasis was placed on math and science (but back in high school, AP Calculus was just awful, and AP Biology was literally traumatic) so I wound up doing neither of those things. I love writing poetry or an inspiring/uplifting quote, and then drawing geometric designs either as a frame of sorts to the poem or in the background of it. I think getting back to doing this, the coloring, the designing, will be incredibly cathartic in a way quite similar to how writing makes me feel.

5.Embracing Fashion
Fashion is my happy place. Although for the first two years of college I was suffering terribly from a field hockey injury, I am healing pretty rapidly now, although still injured to the point where I can only wear non-sneaker shoes for only about three hours at a time. Whiplash from a car accident back in last February, too, makes wearing heels difficult not only for my knees (field hockey injury) but now also for my neck/shoulders/back. Even if I can't always wear the fashion I adore, I am still able to write about it, admire it, and create outfits that one day in the future I know I will be able to wear.

What are your sweet, healthy escapes? Do people ever criticize you for being "too sensitive"? What is your "Myers-Briggs Personality Type"?
xx, B

No comments:

Post a Comment